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  • Writer's pictureJake Kastleman

Take It Easy to Overcome Porn Addiction

Do you ever feel high-strung? Do you ever have spinning or obsessive thoughts? Do you ever feel unable to quiet your mind and just relax? 


To overcome porn addiction, we need to learn to “take it easy”. But what does that even mean? How do we do that, and how does it help with porn addiction? 


For those who feel like they have a non-stop mind that never quiets, especially during the winter months when they go through seasonal mood challenges, I wanted to share some things that I’ve learned over the years to help with this.


Addiction, in some ways, comes as the result of a chaotic mind. We face stress, high expectations and pressure we place on ourselves, worry about what others think of us, concern that we’re not enough for God, perfectionism, anxiety, depression, OCD, judgment of ourselves and others, shame (the fear that we’re not good enough), loneliness, pride (thinking we know best or that we need to do things on our own). 


All of these things can contribute to pornography addiction. To stop watching porn, we need to learn how to quiet the mind and take it easy. But this is not just as simply as kicking back with a cold one and not worrying about anything. 


No. That’s not it. 


Peace, well-being, and recovery are just on the other side of learning to let go and be present. You can do this just like anyone else can. I’ll teach you some keys for doing this. 


Where Porn Addiction Comes From

Addiction, in some ways, comes as the result of a chaotic mind. We face stress, high expectations and pressure we place on ourselves, worry about what others think of us, concern that we’re not enough for God, perfectionism, anxiety, depression, OCD, judgment of ourselves and others, shame (the fear that we’re not good enough), loneliness, pride (thinking we know best or that we need to do things on our own). 


All of these things can contribute to addiction. Of course, there is the chemical dependency and just the plain habit of addiction to deal with as well, but underneath these surface level issues, there are these components of a chaotic mind. And depending on who you are, you may deal with some or all of these challenges I’ve listed. 


Both addiction and recovery are an ecosystem - they’re a lifestyle and a mindset. Addiction feeds off of: 


  • Fear

  • Shame

  • Pride

  • Resistance/Escape


Recovery thrives off of: 


  • Faith

  • Worth

  • Love

  • Surrender/Acceptance


Learning to take it easy is all about surrendering to the peace of God and moving with His inspiration. But as long as we function on these old patterns of high expectations and pressure, perfectionism, judging ourselves and others, etc. we cannot feel God’s love and peace. It’s there - ready for us to embrace - but we can’t invite it in as long as we choose the path of resistance and escape. 


For some of us, we grew up with these destructive thought patterns and lifestyles. For others, we developed them later on. Many of us addicts feel like we’re missing some crucial component that a lot of other people seem to have. How is it, we wonder, that others are able to live clean and sober? How do they cope with the pain and struggles of life? Why are we not strong enough like they are? 


These beliefs of fear and shame drive our addiction. Many of us deal with minds that are intense. We may suffer from mental illness or chemical imbalances. And we may never overcome these challenges completely, but they can get better. Much better. 


How to Take it Easy So You Can Overcome Porn Addiction


Adjust Expectations

Adjust your expectations of yourself depending on where you’re at that day. Some days you’re at a higher level than others. High or unreasonable expectations will not help you do more - they’ll cause you to do less.


Sometimes you’re filled with brilliant ideas. Other times, you’ve got nothing. Sometimes you are really social and confident. Other times, you feel insecure and vulnerable. Adjust based on where you’re at. Everyday will not be the same.


This is not an excuse to give up. Adjusting expectations will help you relax so that you can lean into the discomfort and still accomplish things, help people, build relationships, and enjoy life to whatever degree you can. 


Open Up to Others

Stop putting on a mask. Stop telling everyone you’re doing amazing all the time when you’re not. If you’re having a hard day, you don’t need to tell people you’re doing terrible, but maybe saying something like, “It’s a day”, or ,“Still breathing” might add a little humor while not setting this expectation that you need to be everything and please everyone all the time.


Let those close to you in. As men, we can often turn to anger when we feel we are alone. Instead, we can let our guard down and let ourselves be seen. That doesn’t mean we have to be a negative Nellie (Nelson?), but we can lean into the discomfort and allow ourselves to be human. 


Be vulnerable. Be open.


Let Suffering Soften You

It can be hard to do sometimes, but we can build the habit of allowing our pain and suffering to move us to compassion and care. We can convert our pain to understanding and presence.


When we are having a hard time, we can convert our self-pitying focus to one of giving and generosity. How? We offer up all of our stuff to God and ask that in return He give us His charity for others. 


Why would He make this trade? Logically, it makes no sense. But if we can ask for the trade - for the sake of the people around us, and not for our own pleasure - I believe He can give it to us if we are willing to “take it easy”, accept ourselves in our suffering, and seek to accept others as well. 


Surrender to God’s Grace

Don’t try to live life on your own. Don’t try to even live one hour on your own. God’s love and peace is ever available, but you need to be humble enough to allow it in. 


Stop trying to deal with pain in your way and start dealing with it in His way. Practice letting go and allowing God to take the lead as you go about serving and blessing others. 


The Journey to Overcome Porn Addiction

In the journey to overcome porn addiction, the key lies in learning to lean into our struggles with Christ. To recognize our feelings of weakness and insecurity, and make peace with these feelings as we offer them up to God so we can transform and overcome. 


Our minds, often entangled in chaos, find solace when we learn to take it easy. Not to give up or give in, but to flow with the moment and accept God’s help and grace in all things. Addiction, a product of fear, shame, pride, and resistance, can only be truly conquered by cultivating faith, worth, love, and acceptance.




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