Addiction, Identity, and the Illusion of Brokenness: Jason Shiers on Childhood Trauma, Secret Shame in Recovery, and What Real Healing Looks Like
- Jake Kastleman
- May 7
- 43 min read
A New Way of Seeing Recovery
In this powerful episode of the No More Desire Podcast, I sat down with Jason Shiers, a psychotherapist and founder of the Infinite Recovery Project. Jason has lived the depths of trauma, addiction, homelessness, and shame — and emerged with a transformational understanding of healing.
His approach to addiction recovery is not one of managing symptoms or staying "sober" through white-knuckling. It’s about something far more revolutionary. He teaches people to become deeply aware of the inner dynamics of mind and body and understand emotion and destructive habits on a root level. Rather than pathologizing their addiction and labeling themselves as "an addict", he helps people see themselves with compassion, leading to long-term healing from addiction.
If you're tired of surface-level recovery models, and you want something that digs down to the deeper foundations so you can break free of porn, this conversation is for you.
Jason’s Story: Trauma, Addiction, and the Search for Peace
"My journey started in very young childhood when my father was killed," Jason shares. "The world came crashing down in a moment. I was just five years old."
Without anyone to help him process the overwhelming loss, Jason adapted as best he could. Food became his first drug.
"I started to balloon in weight. I stole food. I would secretly eat food. And I had no idea why."
By nine years old, Jason was immersed in the psychiatric system, diagnosed with depression, and medicated on antidepressants. It was made clear to him that he had things that were inherently wrong with his mind, and they needed to be "managed" and "fixed".
"There was no mention of grief," Jason reflects, "No mention of loss." In all of the time that he worked with professionals, not once did they explore the traumas and loss at the root of his need to escape.
In his teenage years, Jason found heroin. Homelessness, prisons, psychiatric wards, and complete isolation followed.
"I lived in the same clothes day in, day out. I was sick and tired of being me."
At 23, Jason entered rehab and traditional 12-Step recovery. He clung to the identity given to him: "You’re an addict."
The Hidden Suffering of Traditional Recovery
For 22 years, Jason lived "clean". But true healing remained elusive. "We were sitting in meetings smiling, telling everyone life was wonderful," Jason says. "Yet we were secretly living in shame. We were all 300 pounds, overweight, battling secret addictions."
In recovery communities, Jason noticed an unspoken truth:
Sobriety was celebrated even if deeper suffering remained.
Secret addictions to food, sex, gambling, and shame were present in almost all the leaders he worked with.
Normal human pain was pathologized, and this kept people stuck
"Nobody seems to know what happiness is," Jason realized. "We're just managing dysfunction."
Jason longed for a deeper level of healing. He just didn't know how to find it. He became a psychotherapist, chasing qualifications in a desperate search to fix himself. But no amount of therapy or education could touch the root of his pain.
The Spiritual Awakening That Changed Everything
After decades of seeking, Jason had a profound spiritual realization during an intensive retreat.
"In a moment, everything changed," he shares. "I realized I was not the character of my life story."
Despite having the same body, the same relationships, the same external circumstances, Jason experienced a deep inner peace he'd never known.
"Nothing material had changed. Yet I felt calm, peaceful. It was new to me."
Jason came in touch a deep inner awareness, stepping back from the thoughts and emotions he had identified with his whole life. He realized that he was not these thoughts. He true identity as a spiritual being went beyond this.
He began to gain the ability to observe and accept his emotions. Rather than identifying with them, he found compassion and love for them.
He started to embrace the spiritual truth that there was an aspect of him that had always been whole, untouched by trauma, addiction, or shame. The identity of "broken addict" had been a painful illusion, draped over this deeper identity of who he was as a human being.
"You've spent your whole life thinking there's something wrong with you. And actually, you've got a 100% track record of being okay."
The pain in his life took on new meaning. He began to see his mind with understanding.
He saw that parts of his psyche were trying to cope in the best ways they knew how, and that addictions were not actions done by someone filled with pride who needed to be fixed, but instead adaptations made by parts of his mind doing their best to help. They were not bad or horrible, simply misguided, and as long as they were seen as wrong and in need of fixing, people could not find true self-compassion and long-term healing.
By seeing these parts of the mind from this angle, people could shed new light on who they are, befriending these "addictive" parts of their mind and assisting them in finding a better path.
This understanding sparked the birth of what would become the Infinite Recovery Project.
The Infinite Recovery Model: Key Principles
Jason's Infinite Recovery Model is built on liberating insights:
You are not broken: Addiction recovery is not about seeing what's wrong with you, but seeing more deeply into what's right with you, befriending the "addict" parts of your mind.
Addiction is an intelligent, adaptive response to trauma: You need to understand yourself without judgment so you can heal.
Healing is an inside-out journey, not a process of "fixing" yourself.
Lasting freedom arises when you step into true identity, learning to witness parts of your mind, rather than identifying with them.
Instead of managing addiction symptoms endlessly, true recovery invites you to get in touch with inner identity, the God-given wholeness that resides inside of you and everyone you know. From this place of knowing your true worth, you can begin to step out of illusions of shame and worthlessness.
We can relate these teachings to Eastern faiths and philosophies of mindfulness and presence, which invite us to practice radical acceptance of ourselves, others, and experiences.
We can also relate these teachings to Western faiths, which state that we were made in the "image of God", and that He and His Son have gifted us with their light. We can become attuned to this light, bringing feelings of hope, forgiveness, and wholeness. This capacity is innate to each human being, and we can come in touch with it when we are able to clear mental burdens of self-judgment, shame, and fear.
Absolute vs. Relative Experience: Understanding the Layers of Healing
One of Jason’s unique teachings is the distinction between absolute and relative experience.
Absolute Truth: You are pure awareness. Whole, unbroken, eternal. You are the presence that observes thought and emotion. This is what I would call the eternal aspect of your identity. The God-gifted core of who you are.
Relative Truth: These are your experiences of thought and emotion; the phenomena of physical and mental perception. Your body and nervous system hold conditioned trauma responses based on your life experiences.
"Nothing is happening outside of you. Everything is happening through your perception."
Practicing distinguishing between these truths is crucial for overcoming addiction.
Healing means recognizing your unchanging essence as a spiritual being and compassionately tending to the very human wounds stored in your body. It means becoming a compassionate witness to all emotion and thought.
This does not mean that you do not need to grow, work, and overcome challenges. But instead to become aware that you hold a connection with God that can empower you to meet challenges with strength and presence, even when you feel fear, shame, or grief.
You can practice acceptance and understanding of difficult emotions, rather than judging them. This helps you avoid spiraling into relapse when you experience triggering emotions.
The Role of Somatic Work in True Recovery
"The body is adept at escapism," Jason says. "It’s really good at holding tension."
Trauma is not just mental — it’s somatic. The body carries years of unresolved survival strategies:
Tension in the jaw and shoulders
Tightness in the throat or chest
Digestive issues and chronic pain
Jason uses somatic practices like:
Body scans
Breathwork
Relaxing hidden tensions
Sometimes, a simple act like relaxing the jaw can release years of suppressed emotion.
"Sometimes people relax their jaw and burst out crying. They didn't realize how much they were holding."
Healing the body is essential to freeing the mind. Jason indicates that body and mind are interlocked, not separate as some modern psychological teachings might suggest. This separation of mind and body is becoming less and less popular the more is understood about the connections between mind and body.
Befriending the Parts Within: Internal Family Systems (IFS)
In our conversation, Jason and I discussed the incredible healing power of Internal Family Systems (IFS) work.
IFS teaches that we are made up of "parts," including:
Protectors: "Managers" and "firefighters" trying to keep us safe. These parts attempt to protect us using controlling behaviors like anger or perfectionism, or soothe us using addictive behaviors like watching porn, chronic masturbation, TV, video games, etc.
Exiles: Vulnerable, sensitive parts of us that carry grief, fear, and shame that drive Protectors to act out in order to distract from, suppress, or defend Exiles.
True healing happens not by "fixing" parts, but by building loving relationships with them.
"The hardest thing you'll ever do is meet yourself," Jason says.
As I shared during our conversation, I've found in my own journey that behind every protector part (anger, addiction, perfectionism) are the deeper core emotions of fear, shame, and grief.
Jason agreed, affirming: "Those are the things people are protecting themselves from."
Healing Through Relationships: Connection as the Greatest Catalyst
"Relationships are an essential component of healing," Jason emphasizes.
When approached consciously, relationships:
Reflect back our hidden wounds
Offer safe spaces for vulnerability and repair
Become sacred mirrors for self-discovery
"Every relationship life sends us is a chance to heal," Jason says.
Rather than avoiding connection for fear of being hurt, Jason teaches that we must lean in — with compassion, presence, and curiosity.
When we encounter challenges in relationships, we can practice seeing these struggles as opportunities for growth. We can ask, "What is this teaching me about myself? What do I have yet to heal?"
Final Reflections: True Recovery Is Remembering Who You Are
Addiction is not a personal failure. Depression and anxiety are not character defects. They are intelligent, adaptive responses to overwhelming pain.
Healing is not about controlling symptoms, but stepping out of painful dynamics by compassionately leading your mind. When you stop fighting yourself, and instead come in tune with God's unconditional understanding and compassion, which can be found in deep inner reflection and self-awareness, lasting freedom becomes possible.
Learn More and Take the Next Step
Work with Jake Kastleman: If you're ready to find true freedom from pornography addiction and build a recovery lifestyle rooted in purpose, peace, and power, visit No More Desire.
Learn More About Jason Shiers: Explore the Infinite Recovery Project and Jason's groundbreaking approach to healing at InfiniteRecoveryProject.com
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Episode 95 Transcription: Addiction, Identity, and the Illusion of Brokenness: Jason Shiers on Childhood Trauma, Secret Shame in Recovery, and What Real Healing Looks Like
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